Timothy Jay

Blog Post #7: Male Pattern Calmness (also for the ladies...)

The glory decade for professional wrestling would have to be the 1980s. It could be argued that Hulk Hogan was as big of name as Ronald Regan and Michael Jackson world-wide. The target demographic for “rass-ling” were preteen and teenage boys along with their fathers. So why didn’t I succumb like my friends around me to getting into all the colorful costumes, characters, and dramatic rage? Well in a word – RESPECT.

For anyone who yells his head off without a life or death reason (and there are very few of them but certainly the military qualifies, in my opinion), I do not respect you or your approach. Whether it is a neighbor, teacher, coach, athlete, or even a steroid filled actor playing an athletic role in a leotard, you have lost me.

So having “set the scene” for this post, let me continue with my narrative of why calmness for everyone is a great Christ-like trait. I believe flying into a rage is a very natural human response when wronged, but I also believe it is ultimately a very immature one both socially and spiritually.

Life happens; the good, bad, and ugly. When our first response is to crank up the blood pressure and let out a tirade to get even or ahead, then a teaching moment is lost. A theme in my blog posts are about doing the easy/natural versus the Christ-like response. Jesus continues to be so very patient with us and our flaws, but he wants to see us lean on Him and the attributes of the Spirit which are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal 5:22).

How does God see those who allow themselves to explode into a manic-rage?

Not too well. He sees them as FOOLS (Proverbs 29:11). “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” We are warned to get “rid of all forms of anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” (Col 3:8).

Using Jesus as our perfect example, here are a few techniques that He used when dealing with people, even the Pharisees/religious leaders who Jesus called out as “brood of vipers and hypocrites” for their sanctimonious ego and self-appointed positions of power.

Jesus asked a lot of questions. Questions are a good way to flesh out any misunderstandings. Be the calm one throughout so you can strip the emotion out and begin the problem solving.
Jesus dealt with people in a calm but confident voice and demeanor. He always knew how to “read the room.” When the religious phonies needed to be called out, He did so. Then early in His ministry when the temple (“my Father’s house”) needed cleared out due to the filthy practices of a market, He did so with very few words. Some situations call for direct action and that was one in no uncertain terms. Reading this text in John 2, I get the impression, He had no trouble with the Jewish leaders trying to stop Him, because His authority was (and is) righteous and they ULTIMATELY KNEW IT. That set the battle ground for them.

How about us? I think in our heart of hearts we know His authority also. Do we bow or do we scheme to keep our “power.” I’ll save more about that for another post.

Jesus made every situation a teaching moment. He truly connected with people. He allowed them to make the conclusions, to own their decisions. Still happens today!

The goal has to be our purposeful examination of self and how we can glorify God in the difficult circumstances that we face. Will we keep our cool? – It’s a fight! Satan would love for anger and rage to be on constant display in our lives. When we are angry and raging, we are not letting God speak to us for His wisdom. We again are just being foolish in His eyes.

The passage in Colossians, again chapter three, goes on to say in verses 9 and 10 this;

“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.”

Let us strive to keep away from our old self and put on that new self that is in the image of God! So with your new self you can get into the ring with any “rassler” because your Creator always wins and that I will always RESPECT.

And by the way… I knew better than to ask my Dad about going to any professional wrestling match. The wrestling match would have been with hay bales. I would have found myself up in the haymow with the bales coming at me DOUBLE TIME! Not fun….

Tim has much more to say about his blog topics. You may send him an email to discuss speaking opportunities or go to the Speaking sub-tab under Press and fill out form.

Blog Post #6: How Much Should I Tip Jesus?

Have you ever had the misfortune of having a poor waiter/waitress/server? I mean the kind of person who makes you feel like you are interrupting their day by showing up for a relaxing sit-down meal with family or friends.

Poor service in this post has everything to do with the server not the kitchen staff. Calling it poor service might be generous because it would be easy to characterize it as no service. Your party is escorted to the table and the host/hostess hands you the menus to study. After deciding between what form of protein and carbs you are in the mood for, you begin to chat with your party to alleviate the silence so no one can hear your stomach trying to add to the conversation. Many times a raised hand or menu can summon someone with a restaurant badge or apron but other times you are sitting in what seems like a vortex of employees being repelled from where you sit. You may or may not even have your complimentary glass of water as you continue to wait, unfortunately forgetting the name of the dish that sounded delicious 15-20 minutes earlier.

Another example of this no service can take the form of not keeping the drinks full or not checking back to see how the server can enhance your dining experience. If you ever have had an unfortunate server experience, my suggestion is to wait until the final bill comes to settle up with a small or no tip. Please don’t try and make a pithy point or settle a score before the food comes out. The server is the last one to handle the plate with your food. Just use your imagination what could happen… most very very revolting.

There are of course a lot of other customer service areas that we encounter in our society such as haircuts, telephone customer service rep, and retail store clerks. The basic thing any customer wants or should demand is “reasonable service.” This by all accounts is a fair exchange.

Well in the book of Romans, Chapter 12, Verse 1 (KJV), Paul writes:

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God,

that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable

unto God, which is your reasonable service.”

Paul urges the believer to be different from the society around us. It is so easy to let your body (eyes, ears, mouth, and hands) participate in so many ungodly or worldly activities. This is a very natural response. But remember the Lord wants us to be “living sacrifices – holy and acceptable to Him. The message of the New Testament is to be more and more Christ-like and less and less like the world. Be His disciple and go and follow Him. Remember if Jesus is your living holy Lord, then strive to make choices that demonstrate your heart toward Him.

Now my final thought, which is one that I haven’t heard explored with this passage. Paul puts the crosshairs of the gospel message directly at the heart of every believer – “which is your reasonable service.”

The Lord Jesus did something so magnificently selfless for us – The God of all Creation and Heaven allowed Himself to be formed in flesh (accepting human limitations), then after He lived a perfect life, He redeemed us from our sin with His death, burial, and resurrection. He provided His Everlasting Word/The Bible, for our instruction as well as leaving the Holy Spirit for our counsel. With this wonderful plan that a holy God poured out, there are still people time and time again who deny Him and please themselves.

I’m guilty – It’s a fight…

Let’s stop. Be still. Remember God’s mercies – and do things that please Him. Be Christ-like!

Why?

We should all expect reasonable service.

Question: Do you think you can go to church or a Bible study once a week? Do you think you can check on an elderly neighbor regularly? Do you think…?

Do you think those and other things are REASONABLE?

Tim has much more to say about his blog topics. You may send him an email to discuss speaking opportunities or go to the Speaking sub-tab under Press and fill out form.

Blog Post #5: Let Me End The Superhero Debate!

They are all lame! Please don’t stop reading…

How can I say that? I had several sets of superhero pajamas and lunch boxes as a little guy. I watched all the cartoons through the 70’s of the Super Friends and wished I could be a fly on the wall in the Hall of Justice. I used to lie in my bed and wonder what power I would want. Getting bit by a radioactive spider or even getting caught in a gamma ray blast would be acceptable if you looked good in green and who doesn’t like getting new clothes when you bust out of them due to your swollen muscles.

So why am I “dissing” superheroes?

I enjoy a great fictional tale, after all that’s what genre I like to write in; but when I saw that all Superman had to do was fly “superman-fast” to reverse the spin the world and go back in time and save Lois Lane then I knew it was time to move away from those “other universes” and focus on this one. Superhero movies make me think someone else needs to be the one to fix the problem of the day. Too many people have the mentality that they can’t be the one to make a difference and that is not true. What people need today is more availability than ability and more awareness than personal intellect. Also, let’s not waste time looking for a phone booth to change into, there are very few around anymore. If it’s time to act, then it’s time for you to be SUPER and make a difference.

I told you why I “hate” superheroes, but now I need to tell you why my super hero is better than yours. Didn’t I say that I “hate” superheroes? Yes! But, look close…. The word I used has a SPACE between it; super hero not superhero.

So who is my favorite super hero? It is my Dad. Jim Tressel (not the coach – but I’m sure he is a super guy…) James K. Tressel is my super hero.

Just a few examples why he is my super hero:

● He loves the Lord

● He loves his wife

● He loves his family

● He provided safety and security in a home of love and discipline

● He demonstrated work ethic

● He prays for the Lord’s direction and favor

● He tries to live Christ-like with the “super power” of the Spirit of God.

“For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” (2 Cor. 4:6-7)

My Dad has this “all-surpassing power” and he told me about it and shared the Scriptures with me. I believe it and try to live it also.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

PS. If your super hero is your dad, then I will smile, nod my head, and will be glad you made that choice; but I will also have to AGREE TO DISAGREE that yours is better.

Here’s to all the super hero dad’s out there – You make a difference with your life every day!

Tim has much more to say about his blog topics. You may send him an email to discuss speaking opportunities or go to the Speaking sub-tab under Press and fill out form.

Blog Post #4: Little Girls Are The Biggest Bullies

As my blog subtitles alludes to, I am a middle aged fellow. So with that personal timeline reminder, I am able to look back and compare things from a few decades of experience and comment on the things that I believe we might be missing in the bigger picture.

Now that the school year is almost complete, the activities of the school day will be replaced with the thrill and freedom of summertime. Parents change gears and begin to schedule and organize the neighborhood “play-date.” This is simply a time for the adults in charge to know where all the grass stains and scrapes will take place. Besides the everyday neighborhood summer play, the other things to be scheduled are the day camps, outings, swim lessons, and then to end the day there is always baseball or softball practice for the rest of the evening. Coaches everywhere are teaching proper batting stances, fielding, and throwing to their teams. It won’t be long until games will be played every night of the week and the lights over some ball fields will be brighter than all the street lights for miles.

I played a lot of little league baseball in the 1970’s and early 80’s. When it came to your defense in the field, my coaches told me to pay attention and focus on the batter and get ready for the swing. Be ready to know what you would do with the ball if it was hit to you. Also, coaches would yell out to their players that they wanted to hear some “chatter.” This amounted to the chant of “Hey batter, hey batter, SWING!” or some versions sounded more like “Aye batter, Aye batter, SWING!” With the shout of “SWING” players would pound their gloves and crouch down just a little lower and get ready for the crack of the bat.

Well fast forward 30 years… when my two daughters played organized softball; I heard this “chatter” become very negative. Its intended purpose was to be cute and get the girls focused but what I noticed in the stands were many of them were anything but ready for the ball to come to them with all the little limericks being chanted. It wasn’t long before I told my girls to not participate in that “chatter.” I wanted them to be ready and focus on their position and I wanted my girls to give positive and encouraging talk to their pitcher and other players between balls thrown.

Some of the sample “chatter” in those middle years of 2000 was:

● My name is _______ and you know what I got? I got a team that’s hotter than hot. Grand slams and homeruns too, uuh-huh uuh-huh! We are going to beat the woopings out of you!

● Hey pitcher look at me! I’m a monkey in a tree! Oh-ee, Oh-ee.

●Hey pitcher what’s the matter? Can’t you stand a little chatter? High ball, low ball, inside outside – High ball, low ball, inside outside.

My girls grew up and didn’t continue to play organized softball. They moved on to other sports and music. So my time was finished with seeing the development of young ball players until our best friends in the neighborhood had their second daughter seven years after our youngest. It gave me a chance to watch some more ball! When Haley was old enough for softball, I looked forward to her games. I sat way out in the outfield and just wanted to smell the fresh mowed grass and see what this generation of ball players looked like.

To my surprise in seven years the “chatter” got worse. It was outright bullying. I was the only one apparently disturbed that little girls were being encouraged to say these bullying chants from the field and from the bench alike – the louder, the better! Gone was the time for the player to focus on playing the field and encouraging their pitcher. It was all about trying to be ruder and more obnoxious.

Time to share some of the more outrageous ones that are out there today:

● Hit it hard, down the middle, make the pitcher bend a little, make her (clap, clap) eat some dirt.

● Strawberry shortcake, banana split, we made your team look like – shift to the left, shift to the right, stand up, sit down – fight, fight, fight!

● (To the pitcher with high balls) Everybody! Someone call the doctor she’s throwing up! (players make vomit sound)

● My name is ______ (sound of bats cracking fence). I’m feeling fine (bats crack again). You mess with me (bats crack), I’ll blow your mind. I said bang-bang choo-choo train, wind me up, I’ll do my thang. I know karate, I know kung fu, you mess with me, I’ll mess with you.

● Down by the river (repeat), took a little walk (repeat), met up with (other team) (repeat), had a little talk (repeat). Pushed ‘em in the river (repeat), hung ‘em out to dry (repeat), we can beat (other team)(repeat) any old time (repeat).

●Error, error, whoo-whoo. Error, error, whoo-whoo. You did it, you did it, you might as well admit it, ‘cause one you make an error, we won’t let you FORGET IT!

● (Your player’s name) is a friend of mine. She can hit it anytime. Put a bat in her hand, she can do it, yes she can. Hit, na-na-na! Rip, na-na-na! Hit it hard, hit it fast. Knock that pitcher on her… na-na-na-na, na-na,na,na.

Is it done with fun intentions? Well yes, I hope so!

But just as we ask of all our umpires who work behind the plate calling balls and strikes…. Call them as you see them.

Okay, I will – this is not good! It does teach bullying which is the most important message of this post, but secondarily it upsets me because it doesn’t teach the girls to be ready for the play. People think you have to have girls learn a sport with cuteness and these ridiculous cheers for them to stay with it. I disagree. If that is what it takes, then why do the silly cheers and chants stop when the girls get into the older leagues?

Bottom line: It doesn’t work! When girls are learning the game, there are a lot of mistakes. That is exactly what learning a sport and honing your skills is supposed to be as you get smarter, stronger, and faster to playing the great game of baseball/softball.

Question for the coaches: Coaches why encourage your team to ridicule other players during their development years? Does it make you and your players feel good? Well guess what?

Congratulations – You are subscribing to the act of athletic bullying. I guess it is easier to teach your team the latest cheers than how to play the game with passion, sportsmanship and respect.

Tim has much more to say about his blog topics. You may send him an email to discuss speaking opportunities or go to the Speaking sub-tab under Press and fill out form.

Blog Post #3: "It's Spring - Where's My Bike!"

If you have spent any time above the Mason-Dixon Line, Spring is so welcome when it finally gets here and STAYS! You can expect to see kids on their bikes all throughout neighborhoods everywhere. Even if Dad didn’t get to pump up the tires yet, it was time to take off and meet up with friends after-school or on the weekends down at the cul-de-sac, park, or at the house that had the biggest concrete or blacktop driveway.

Riding bikes for those in elementary grades have always been a big deal. It is one thing that has remained constant over the course of time. There may be some newer variations of the concept of independent mobility, but for the foreseeable future, fathers and mothers will want to provide steadfast guidance with teaching the next generation how to peddle, balance, and steer all at the same time (which is key)!

I grew up with a brother who was four years older. Like most younger sibs, I wanted to do everything he and his friends were doing. This included riding bikes. I had just mastered riding my bike the year before, so I was excited about this “new year” of bike riding season to prove that I could keep up with the “big boys.” I had a pretty well-used bike as it turned out and no one gave it a look over to make sure it was road-worthy. My brother and his neighborhood friends took off toward the end of our cul-de-sac circle, racing, skidding, popping wheelies and even jumping off homemade ramps. Everything I was certain I could do – And would be great at!

Well, I’m sure my brother dreaded seeing me trying to catch up with his friends but I was in my glory peddling my fastest to close the gap. As those older boys that I looked up to sat on their Schwinn and Huffy bikes seeing me getting closer and closer, I knew I had to show them my bike riding skills. So with all my might, I jolted back and pulled up on the handlebars of the bike to pop one of the greatest wheelies that a six or seven-year-old could ever do. As I was in the middle of the bike stunt, it was if I began to see everything in slow motion… my front wheel fell off and with wide eyes I watched it roll past me…. I knew that coming down from this perfect wheelie was going to be painful!

Gravity assisted me nicely and I dropped with the bike forks plowing in the gravel road and me being thrown up and over the handlebars. Good thing it was early spring and I didn’t have on shorts and a short sleeve shirt, but I still felt the cinders tear up the clothing I wore. After the slow-motion stopped and I put my askew glasses back on my face, I realized that my brother and his friends were all laughing hysterically at my giant fail! As I picked myself up off the road, I wanted to leave the scene of the humiliation as quickly as possible as I felt the rush of embarrassment and tears began to set in. Right before I returned to our driveway, I looked back to see my brother still laughing but carrying the unfortunate “unicycle.”

I don’t remember much more from that traumatic incident. Did my brother get in trouble for making fun of me or did I need any bandages? I am not sure; but I think the lesson that I grabbed hold of that day was I needed to find a group who I could connect with, not because it was my brother’s group and I wanted to be like him. Well, the lesson stuck. From that day forward, I left his friends alone and only ran around with kids closer to my age, a very natural and sensible outcome that I understood to be for the best.

Or maybe… on that “finally spring” day, did I have an older brother get out my dad’s wrenches for a little sabotage. Hmmmmmmm?!??!?

Doesn’t matter….. lesson learned!

Tim has much more to say about his blog topics. You may send him an email to discuss speaking opportunities or go to the Speaking sub-tab under Press and fill out form.